At the time that you left the little girl didn't think twice.
Everything was the same as before
life went on
nothing changed.
After all you had slowly disappeared from her life
so why should she care when one weekend
poof you were gone. Life
was o.k, normal
She didn't need you
She had mom and the rest of her family.
No more crying in bed
missing her mom calling for her.
Instead it was midnight cries why?
An unknown reason
only sadness and confusion but
slowly she learned that
those cries made by a lonely girl was for her
daddy.
He had left her,
Alone.
No body could hear her as she wept
silently in the sleeping house.
Wondering
why?
Why? Why had he left her?
Did she do something wrong?
Should she have held back the tears that fell every night
that caused him to drive her home
because she was to weak?
Slowly the tears would stop as she grew
and she tried to tell herself that he was the bad guy
she was the victim.
But still she was not free.
Then it happened one day.
It was small
a message.
"Hi, this is you dad"
Years of no contact
she thought she was fine
but it was the shock.
Why, she thought,
why?
Why now?
Why do you want to talk now?
Should I send a reply?
Should I be angry?
Hopeful?
Forgiving?
Suddenly the shock wore off.
The tears that were held back since third grade came back.
She cried to her step dad that night telling him of the message
the hurt that she wanted to hide showing.
She wanted to be strong
but that simply message broke her facade.
She messaged back
a few messages were given back.
They too stopped.
She was not surprized.
Now she wants to say
"Go away
I don't care
You have to put in the effort
I wont cry for you again."
1.) SO this is a new kind of peom stlye for me. Do my line breaks work or are they weird?
2.) Can I do anything to make it better?
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I like it a lot.
ReplyDeleteI think everything was good, I seen a few punctuation mistakes, but it's all good.
And I think your line breaks are maybe a little weird, but I think it works well with this poem, I don't think you could make different line breaks and make it sound as good.
That's just my opinion though.
They are good the line breaks are ok. Like I said after "He had left her. Alone." You might want the . after her to be a , instead...other than that I think its pretty good...but i know that i'm only half a point...
ReplyDeleteMolly being half a point is not a bad thing, it just means that I think you are a little bias.
ReplyDeleteim not so good at the knowing were to break. :)
ReplyDeletebut i think it was good sorry for not much help, but i think its good
not uh!!!! :p
ReplyDelete...ok then be that way...:p
ReplyDeletei like it i get what your feeling but the line breaks are alittle off so try to fix that
ReplyDelete